Parenting is like trekking on a mountain – no matter how good you are, there is always the risk of falling. No guide book can ever make us a hands-on dad or mom, only instinct and experience can. No same set of rules can apply to two kids, even if they are siblings! Now I have said that, I do believe that we must stop from saying a few things to our little angels. Even if they look normal and harmless, they can actually turn out to be pretty harmful for our kids’ emotions and feelings..
Our children are indeed our reflection. They shape up more or less the way we mold them into, and mostly, it’s our own words which are playing with their conscience… impacts more than we can ever imagine.
1. Never Say ‘NO’
Rather than that, try – ‘Why not / How about’
We say ‘no’ to our little one million times a day, presuming that we are the best judge of what is bad or good for them. No doubt we are, but this ‘no’ has the potential to break our children. A seemingly simple & innocent ‘no’ can shatter their confidence, make them feel he’s incapable of undertaking a certain task, and can kill their urge to volunteer or help.
Worse, they absorbs ‘no’ as the way of life and so every time we ask them to do something, their response is going to be ‘no’! Thus, as a parent, we must make proper use of this powerful two letter word.
Hack: In place of saying ‘no’ flat out, it would be much better to give your kid alternatives to pick from.
When they asks for an ice-cream, ask them to try a healthier shake instead; If they ask for a new color-box even though they already have one, tell they when they can have a new one, instead of simply saying they cannot have a new one.
2. Never Say ‘You Must Become Like ‘Sharma Ji Ka Beta/Beti”
Rather than that, try – making ideals out of important values, and not from people
Personally I believe that we should try and focus on our child’s achievements, their good qualities. Instead of aspiring to people, we should urge them to aspire to values – confidence, compassion, morality, integrity etc. After all, it’s these qualities that make a good person, Agreed? Let’s be proud of what our child is as every child is unique, and work in the direction of improving the strengths.
I can’t deny, we are very much the society we live in and comparisons are impossible to avoid. Many times, our friends, family members etc. lament over useless comparisons and troll your child with a nonsense demand to become as good as somebody else. they may even ask us parents to be ‘more competitive’ or ‘stricter’! It is very detrimental not just to your child's mental and physical health but it may also backfire and turn them into rebels!
3. Never Say ‘Let me Do It For You’
Rather than that, try – teaching/showing them how to do it
When our precious little one is stuck somewhere in a task and is yearning hard to find the solution it is very obvious that we feel an overwhelming urge to offer the helping hand, ‘Let me do it for you’ often seems the easiest way out at that moment to pacify our struggling kid; but think, is it really going to help your children in the life? No. It will only make them more dependent on you to find answers to their problems.
How about channelizing or steer their thoughts in the right direction so that they reach the problem’s solution by themselves. This will make them independent and will also boost their self-confidence. This is our philosophy behind ProjectsforSchool.com too. We want our kids to experiment with the right material to be able to make working models on their own. This would help them develop confidence of achieving milestones, accomplishing things, learning science while doing something.
I hope you agree that we are our children’s role models. We can’t just cease to be the people they look up to and imitate! So it’s completely our choice of what we want these little buds to bloom into. That’s undoubtedly the best gift we can give them. Do you also have something you avoid saying to your kid?
Please share them in the comments, so that all of us can benefit from it.
Haya Abidi
